Book III: Chapter 6
The next thing I remember is that Gabriel was gone.
In fact, although I didn’t know it yet, three days had passed since I had completed my Magnus Opum and over two weeks since I’d first started it.
It might come as no surprise then for you to know that I was ravenously hungry, and yet it was a <hunger> that went beyond just my stomach.
For my soul was starving for God.
Indeed, as if a veil had been lifted from my eyes, I was no longer the same person that had been groveling in sorrow before the angel. Nor was I the withered old man whose heart was as bitter as gall. And though my outward appearance hadn’t changed, inside I was rejoicing that I had become a new – a renewed – John of Salome – one cured in body, mind, and spirit.
Oh, to be sure, the regret for my actions was still there, and Gabriel was correct in his assessment that it would take me time to repent and fully rebuild myself back to what I was during the time of The Christ; but the important thing right now was that my self-destructive anger was gone; for I now knew that my time on earth was about to come to a close – at last!
Most astounding of all, I also realized that even my rejoicing at that fact could not compare to the utter ecstasy that was mine in realizing that – finally — I would soon see my beloved Jesus of Nazareth once again!
My joy was tempered by only one thing: worry about my friends.
I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I still felt guilty over the tragedy that I knew was coming – one that could have been avoided but for my poor choices.
However, my renewed faith gave me the confidence to know that not only had God completely forgiven me, but more importantly, He was still behind me, loving me, holding me up. And, even as I wondered about my friends, I prayed for them and for our Commission…
Ironically, this was one time in which I wished I had been given a vision. And even though Gabriel had advised me that my <Sight> was now gone, and even though I knew that the visions were never under my control anyway, in desperation I still tried to tap into The Sight….
It didn’t work.
Even as I made the attempt, I could feel inside that any <power> I might have had in that department was now gone. It’s a funny thing really…
Sometimes when you have a special skill or gift, you don’t appreciate it — until it’s too late. You don’t value it –until it is no more.
Such was the case with me — for nearly two thousand years I had been blessed with The Sight. Looking back, I can see now how it was a crutch – one that often helped me to get through the trials of my times. And yet, it was something that I never attributed as a blessing from God and thus something that I never thanked Him for.
I wonder why that was?
Realizing that my <power> was gone, to say I was more than a little scared would be an understatement, “What in the hell am I supposed to do to keep tabs on the world without The Sight? How can I find out what’s happening to Lazarus and Mary? How can I help them?”
And yet, I already knew the answers – for like Gabriel told me – now was the time during which I would need to rebuild my faith.
Specifically, without The Sight to guide me, I would be forced to rely on God again, to rest in the Lord and to wait patiently upon him, to learn to trust Him again.
I knew that I would not be able to take any action to help my friends until I was once more filled with Love for God – and more importantly I knew this.
If I tried before I had His blessing, then I would fail.
And yet, more than a little part of me was unsure if I could rebuild my faith enough in time for The Fateful Day that was fast approaching, “Can I save my friends in time? Can I really confront and overcome The Beast on December 21st?”
Not knowing what else to do, I prayed, “Praised be to The Lord. He reached down from on high and drew me out of the deep waters. He rescued me from my own pride – a villain too strong for me. My enemies will confront me on the Day of Disaster, but The Lord shall be my support. Exalted be God my Savior!”
And so I waited.