She Knows (31)

Book II: Chapter 31
July 13

My vision about Lazarus’ Resurrection Day faded to black, yet my Sight continued.

Once more I found myself looking at the present day — my friends were apparently still on their flight to Rome and Miriam’s head continued to rest upon Alan’s shoulder.

But just as quickly, I remembered something else – an inkling of a memory of Alan’s that I got just before The Negrido ended back in my workshop a few days ago.

At the time, I didn’t think much of it, but now I realized that it was important — for, as the quirkiness of life sometimes churns out, I realized that the piece of Alan’s memory that came back to me concerned that same fateful day which I had just re-lived!

I wasn’t really honest with her that day.

That’s what Alan’s mind kept screaming during The Negrido over and over.   

(OK, it’s time you understand something – even I knew that Alan, nee Lazarus, had been harboring a secret from Miriam, nee Mary of Magdala, for a long time, and while it might have been truthful for Alan to tell Mary that he had heard Jesus’ calling to him, asking him to come back and help her in a mission to save the world, when you discover the whole truth, I think you’re going to agree that Alan was a bit deceptive in the description of the afterlife that he related to her).

Peace? Love? Fulfillment? Alan’s mind had chided himself during my ritual. Ha! More like Uncertainty, Regret, and Longing. I made Miriam believe I was in Heaven, when in reality I was only in Purgatory!

But that’s not all Alan’s mind revealed. I remember him also harboring this secret…

Had I told her that Jesus offered me the opportunity to escape the sorrow of Purgatory simply by agreeing to come back and aid her, how noble would that make me look? Certainly it wouldn’t prove how much I loved her!

Do YOU see the problem here?

Alan didn’t believe the truth was dynamic enough to attract Mary and so he embellished it to make his sacrifice appear more noble – apparently because he knew he was competing against Jesus himself for Mary’s heart.

Yet, if I’ve told Alan once, I’ve told him a thousand times – chivalry doesn’t pay.

Unfortunately the fool would never listen to me. He always wanted to be the Shining Knight who came to save the day – too bad for him, he never played that role very well.

I then remember Alan’s thoughts turning blacker – even as my Negrido reached its climax.

Where has all my chivalry gotten me? Alan lamented, his soul refusing to respond to my alchemy. Miriam still doesn’t love me. She’s still saving herself for The Teacher. How can she do it? What kind of a life is that? Oh, why didn’t I just tell Mary the truth? I thought when Jesus called me from the grave I would have it all – an escape from Purgatory, a chance to be with the woman I love, a glorious place in history after fulfilling His mission, and upon death – an immediate entrance into Heaven!

And still Alan’s mind kept on, Instead nothing has gone as expected – we failed in our mission, and more importantly to me, I never did get my time with Mary! For twenty centuries I did my best to win her heart, but to no avail. What more could a man do to prove his love? Alas, she never wanted me.

I also recalled that, as The Negrido wore on, Alan started sinking into a dangerous state of self-loathing — fighting against me pulling him back to life.

But that was a battle I refused to let him win – for that would have meant he found a way to die without me!

In desperation I forced him to drink a poison potion — essentially what you might call a happy pill. I know it sounds crazy, but hey, an alchemy master like myself has a lot of tricks up his sleeve.

(What’s that – why don’t I take my own medicine and just be happy? Enough questions!)

NO, these are the thoughts of a madman! Alan’s mind had told himself during my ritual – after the effects of my special potion began. I am Lazarus. Jesus of Nazareth was my friend, my teacher, my Lord. I DO BELIEVE!

And that was the very moment that I successfully pulled Alan out of his stupor — when I knew The Negrido had been a success!

(Naturally I didn’t tell Miriam all of this. Hey, let her wonder a bit, right?).

All this I now remembered as I look at Alan and Miriam on that plane to Rome. (And by the way,  all this movement with the Sight and my memories was making me pretty dizzy – just in case you’re wondering!)

At first glance, both of my friends appeared relaxed.

But of a sudden, Alan’s eyes opened wide in revelation, “My God, She knows!”

Miriam stirred but didn’t wake up.

Softly Alan continued to himself, “She knows my secret. She didn’t need her mental powers to guess it. Jesus must have told her way back when. She knows the truth — and she has always known!”

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32 – Two Roads Diverged
Book II Table of Contents